⚖️ Legal Disclaimer

Effective Date: 8/15/2025
Last updated: 9/1/2025

Welcome to Jabroni All-Star, where failure is a fashion statement and supplements come with a side of sarcasm. This page is your official disclaimer for everything sold, said, or shown on this site — including but not limited to supplements, coffee, joke books, and any motivational chaos caused by our mascot, the Failurenaire. PLEASE NOTE THAT WE ARE IN NO WAY ASSOCIATED WITH ANY COLLEGE, UNIVERSITY, OR PROFESSIONAL SPORTS FRANCHISE(S).

☕ Coffee & Supplement Disclaimer (aka Don’t Sue Us, Bro)

Our coffee and supplements are produced through white-label partners and are not evaluated by the FDA.

We do not guarantee any specific results from drinking our “Morning Woodless” decaf or taking “Vita-Jabroni” multivitamins — except maybe enhanced swag and a mild sense of wellness.

Medical Disclaimer:
These products are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. Always consult with your doctor before starting any new supplement — especially if you’re on medication, pregnant, nursing, have medical conditions, or think you’re a superhero.

If you experience any negative side effects, stop use immediately and call a healthcare professional. And maybe tell your mom you love her. That’s just good advice in general.

📚 Gag Gift Books by the Failurenaire

Any books sold or promoted on this site (especially those written by Failurenaire and listed on Amazon) are 100% meant as gag gifts and entertainment.

Titles like “How to Make It into the UFC with No Experience in 6 Months” are meant to make people laugh, not guide them into a cage match with a heavyweight named Doomslayer.

Some books may include helpful, AI-generated info — but they should not be taken as professional advice.

Translation: If you actually follow the Failurenaire’s training plans, job advice, or life strategies… you're doing so at your own glorious risk.

🎭 Humor & Satire Warning

The entire Jabroni All-Star brand is infused with comedy, sarcasm, and satire — including:

Product names
Ad copy
Descriptions
Social media posts
Video content
Anything said by the Failurenaire, ever

This site is part parody, part merch store, part motivational jabroni cult. If you can’t take a joke, you might want to click elsewhere.

We poke fun at gym culture, influencer nonsense, toxic positivity, and ourselves. It’s all in good fun — and if we ever roast your alma mater in a “Top 5 Jabronis From [College Town]” video… it’s probably because we secretly love it.

🧠 General Information Only

The content provided on this site and in any of our marketing materials is for general entertainment and informational purposes only. We make no guarantees of accuracy, completeness, or results. This includes:

Social media content
Blog posts
Videos
Product recommendations
Emails you might get that say things like “Only jabronis ignore this email”

You agree not to hold Jabroni All-Star or any affiliated entities liable for losses, injuries, or faceplants resulting from any content on this site.

🧢 Product Use Liability

All products are sold as-is. It’s your responsibility to read labels, follow dosage instructions, and use products properly. Don’t:

Chug six mushroom pills and go skydiving
Pour hot coffee on your chest because your supplements didn’t kick in fast enough
Use our sticker to cover your car’s check engine light

In short: Use common sense.

🔒 Ownership & Brand Protection

Everything on this website, including the name Jabroni All-Star™, Failurenaire™, product titles, logos, video concepts, and descriptions, is original intellectual property of the brand unless otherwise noted.

You may not copy, reproduce, sell, remix, resell, or pretend to be part of the team without written permission. Violators will be added to our Top 5 All-Time Jabronis list, right above that one guy who wore fingerless gloves to a job interview.

⚠️ Limitation of Liability

To the fullest extent permitted by law, we are not responsible for any damages, including but not limited to:

Injuries from using our products incorrectly
Emotional trauma from being labeled a jabroni
Broken relationships due to excessive Failurenaire quotes at dinner parties
Legal battles started after trying to fold our T-shirts into offensive messages

📬 Contact Info

If you have questions about any of this or want to clarify your jabroni status:

📧 Email: jabroniallstar@gmail.com

🔁 We May Update This

This page may change if laws change or if we come up with better jokes. Check back occasionally. By continuing to use the site, you accept the most updated version of this page.